Can Purell be used as lube?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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