so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
