I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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