You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
