i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
