ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize