porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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