I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
