I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
