Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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