try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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