forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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