Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize