I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
