I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
