It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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