It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
