Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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