Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
