I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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