bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
