OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize