it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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