mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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