I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
