There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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