if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
