with your own penis?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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