Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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