Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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