So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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