During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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