I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
