she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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