Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
