I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
