Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
