somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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