do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
