I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize