I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize