I could have mohawked her pubes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
