either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
