I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
