Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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