just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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