The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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