Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
