yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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