We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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