It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
