look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize