And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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