I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
