yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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