even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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