So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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