Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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