On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
