she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize