Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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