This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
