he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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