Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
is it fun? or sober?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
