I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
