yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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