Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
