I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
