Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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