He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
