I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
