oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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