apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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