I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize