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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
