I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
