i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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