So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
