she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize