she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
